We’ve already determined that Apple is just a jealous little child, but I’m getting quite tired of the whole “Slide To Unlock” patent crap. It’s a ridiculous patent, and one that only gets worse with each new version granted. Rather than sit here and argue why Android should be able to use similar methods, I ask: “Why the hell do we even need it?”

I really don’t understand why Google, Android, or any OEM even bothers with “Slide To Unlock.” I mean, what’s the point? It’s an idiotic feature, offers absolutely no security, and serves no purpose other than to speed up my onset of carpal tunnel.

No one has ever bragged about how cool “Slide To Unlock” is, or how they were so happy their device had “Slide To Unlock.” When’s the last time someone said: “I’m not buying that phone because it doesn’t have Slide To Unlock”? You won’t hear stories about how “Slide To Unlock” saved someone’s data from being stolen or how it kept prying eyes from reading their emails. What’s worse, is the amount of screen lock widgets we’re seeing now — defeating the whole conceived purpose of a screen lock!

It’s an asinine feature and it’s time for it to die a horrible death. Seriously, ask yourself, what do you use “Slide To Unlock” for? Do you tell yourself it’s to avoid accidental dialing while in your pocket? Because the only thing preventing those accidental butt dials is the fact that your device is “asleep.” Throw any device in your pocket without the sleep function and the friction from your ass will undoubtedly unlock your device and dial your boss.

Most devices don’t even stay on long enough for a “Slide To Unlock” to make any difference. The default sleep setting is usually 1 minute or less. That means you have to first press the power button to wake your device up and then “Slide To Unlock” to use it. That’s just one extra unnecessary step. If you’re not using any form of security such as pattern lock or PIN lock, etc., then pressing the power button should be all you need to do to wake your phone and start using it.

You can easily get rid of the “Slide To Unlock” on your Android device by going into Settings > Security > Screen lock and checking off None, but that’s not the point — I want to know why we even have it as an option? It’s time for Android to abandon this option and leave only the secure lock methods or no lock method at all.

Honestly, can you tell me the last time you needed or were thankful you had a “Slide To Unlock” function?

Apple’s childish, incessant need for revenge certainly goes way beyond “Slide To Unlock” and until some kind of patent reform takes place, will never stop. I say it’s time to take away one of Apple’s bitch cards and stop using a feature that’s as fruitless as Apple’s Research and Development team.

Come on Google, put this one to rest, abandon the “Slide To Unlock.”