“In today’s world, there’s no reason not to be constantly simulated,” says Samsung. “With Apex, you can be constantly watching movies, browsing Facebook, and receiving head from a robotic mouth, all at the same time.”

An absolutely priceless Onion News Network video, with perhaps the best headline of all time: “New Wearable Computer Also Sucks Your Dick.” Check out the video after the jump.

Famed iOS jailbreak hacker Pod2g hates the redesign of iOS 7 so much he might abandon Apple’s operating system all together… for Android.

When we talk about the Android/iOS wars, we often talk about it as a purely binary conflict. If one side wins, the other side must lose.

According to the latest Flurry Mobile Report, though, that simply isn’t true. There’s room for two kings, and while Android has surpassed iOS in overall marketshare, people spend much more time in-app on iOS.

If you’ve got an iPhone, you’re probably glued to it; if you use an Android device, you probably neglect it, at least comparatively. That’s the obvious conclusion to be drawn by new data that shows that iPhone users spend an additional 26 minutes on their smartphone per day than your average Android owner.

Samsung has a problem. It controled 33.1% of the global smartphone marketshare last quarter — Apple was only 17.9% — yet that’s almost entirely in the low-end of the market.

What’s keeping Samsung from conquering the high-end of the market, where all the profit is and which Apple continues to dominate? Software: there is a wide-spread impression amongst consumers that Samsung’s apps just aren’t as good as Apple’s.

That’s a problem Samsung is eager to solve. That’s why they are ponying up $800,000 to developers willing to make great, Galaxy-specific apps.